My Father's cardigan

My wife was cleaning out the garage, throwing out stuff that she determined we no longer needed. My wife is like that, she determines and is determined. Anyway, she threw out an old hand broom that I had brought to the house years ago from my parent's house after they had died. It was the broom my mother used to hit me with when I was a kid. I watched her throwing it into the rubbish bin, thinking do I retrieve this or not?

This post was redited on 19/09/2013

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I haven't done much all day. I wanted to do some gardening but I just haven't got around to it yet.

Both my parents have died. My mother in 1995 and my father in November, 2005. I struggle to forgive my mother. She hurt me and although I try to see life through her eyes, I just can't quite accept what she did to me. I was born with hypothyroidism which makes me a cretin. My mother could never look beyond this and never thought I had much potential. Two days before she passed away, I had my last conversation with her. She told me I was a failure. That's my mother's legacy to me. She died before I had begun to look at her differently, before I could reflect on her own life and how she had been raised. My father on the other hand, lived longer and in that time I healed

. When I was a kid he was one of those fathers that always played with you. Football, cricket in the back yard. We used to watch the football every weekend. He would tell us stories about films like Frankenstein and Robin Hood and tell us his World war II stories - always sanitised. Those sorts of things. But he was always a very simple, gentle man. In the teenage years when separation starts, I admit I didn't see him as being much at all. We never talked much, ringing him up to say hello, but never having a conversation with him. A few words at most. Then, you would only see him at Christmas or on his birthday, those days that you had to be there.

He was in hospital for a few months and it was miles away from where I live and anyway, my brother and my sisters visited him, so why should I go every weekend.


And now he's gone and every weekend I wear his cardigan. It's my favourite piece of clothing.

Spring Saturday Morning 7.45

Saturday has come again and it looks like it is going to be a nice day outside. I've got my gardening pants on. So I might get into it later on. This morning I've got to do the shopping and then afterwards see what happens. I'm feeling good today, Collingwood were beaten in football last night and aren't going to play in the Grand final next week.

I'll tell you a story.

Once upon a time, a neighbour returned a large pot to its owner and when the owner looked inside the pot he saw a little pot.

"What's this doing here?"The owner asked the neighbour.
"Öh" said the neighbour. "The pot must have been pregnant and had a baby."

The owner thought this to be one complete rubbish, but he'd got himself a new pot, so he merely replied to the neighbour. "Yes, it must have had a baby."

Several weeks later, the neighbour again knocked on the pot owner's door and asked to borrow the large pot. The owner, thinking that he may again get a small pot wnet to the kitchen and gave it to the neighbour.

Time passes and the owner of the pot began to wonder when his neighbour was going to return it. One day he could wait no longer and went over to his neighbour's house.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news," The neighbour answered when he was asked about the pot. Ït got sick one day and although I tried my best to care for it, it passed away. I buried it in the garden."

"What are you talking about." The pot's owner replied. "How can a pot die, it's something made it doesn't have life."

Öh, but you said it can have a child. If it is alive enough to have a child, then surely it can die."

The pot's former owner coudn't think of anything to say and went back to his house potless.


That story came from a website www.submission.org I like it, like I do all folk stories.

I had better go, the animals are wanting to be fed.

Cheers until next time.

It's Sunday again

My computer is doing funny things. I wish I knew about computers so I can figure out what is going on.

It's Sunday afternoon, I have just finished making a cake and am waiting for it to finish baking.

I was out in the backyard this afternoon and I uncovered what I think are termites near the side of my house. Great. I am feeling over the moon about that let me tell you. I haven't had much of a weekend to speak off and now I came across termites.

I am trying to look on the bright side it was a little bit away from the house. Maybe it's OK. I've looked and can't see any other wood that looks damaged.

Last night my football team got beaten and so they're finished to next year. Something will have to go right for the remaining hours of this weekend.

Can't really be bothered writing much

Come on Zhe call me.

Hump Day Love and the whole damn thing

On Monday morning I woke up thinking about Zhe and our future together. We have a child, a daughter Elizabeth. I have often dreamed about the three of us over the last few months. I've seen Elizabeth eating a boiled egg for breakfast and then chasing the duck around the backyard. I have seen her and her mother cuddling and talking together and I have seen me playing with her. Anyway I woke with an ache on Monday. I needed family.

So I went to the library (great places libraries) and I borrowed The Blue Jay's dance by Louise Erdrich. It was pretty much the first book that came up on the catalogue when I typed in whatever keywords I put in. Anyway, i'm just about finished it. I suppose it's the new age man coming out in me but I really like this book. I love the way that writers can write about love. How Erdrich talking about love moves from the baby she carries around, out into other rooms of her house, or under her house with spiders webs and into the garden and then out into the woods beyond. The whole book is about love for her family, but it is also a great gardening book and a cookbook. The whole alchemy of family life. This evening on the train home from work. I wanted to tell the woman and complete stranger opposite me all about the book. I had it on my knee hoping that she would go "Oh you are reading The blue jays dance, isn't it a great read? Don't you like the bit when..."

Oh I am wanting Zhe. I want to lie in bed with her and cuddle into her. I want to reach out with my arm and draw her near to me. To make love to her and for her to make love to me. To kiss her, to be tender. I am so wishing that she could be here.

I have been in this funny mood all day. Where I want to sing and dance. It's wanting to be Mick Jagger and sing and dance on stage. When I was younger I loved Mick Jagger. But now I recognise that it wasn't love so much as yearning to be like him. The little boy, bullied at school wanting to be Jumping Jack Flash. A few years ago I saw the Rolling Stones on stage in Melbourne. They played Midnight Rambler and I was wishing that Jagger would bring out the belt and get down on the floor and do the belt thumping thing that he used to do. I wanted to feel young again with them. I was sitting there begging him to do it. To take me back, but he didn't.

A couple of weeks ago I was cleaning out some old boxes in the garage and I came across a cassette. On one side I had taped some of Exile on Main Street and on the other side I had taped Pete Townshend's White City Fighting. I must have down it years ago. Anyway I have been constantly playing it in the car. Old songs that you never tire off. Like old friends.

I suppose I had better be off now. I've got to ring Zhe tonight and it's a little cold sitting here.

See you later.

Sunday Night Extra.

Oh, there was something exciting happen.

Yaaba my muscovy duck started laying eggs again... Good on you Yaabs!

Sunday Night

Damm it, Sunday rolls around and tomorrow's Monday. Back to work.

I had one of those weekends where it seems promising enough, but then you don't end up doing anything. I can't remember doing anything mildy interesting yesterday. Perhaps getting my haircut. Today I got up and went to church - the first time for about a month and half way through the service, I was thinking about how good it was to be back there. What has happened to me in the last couple of years, that I've come to like going to church? This afternoon I went over to Shu Shu's and it was like what happens when old friends meet. It seemed like I hadn't seen her for five minutes rather than almost 2 years. We just started talking and picked up where we left off.

I've got some washing and ironing to do but I am going to leave that for someother time. I'm feeling tired tonight and will go to bed after writing this.

Monday tomorrow I can't get excited.

See you later.

Saturday Morning Rolls Around Again

Well here it is, Saturday morning has rolled around again and through the window it looks like the first day of Spring will be a fine one. Which, on the one hand is great I can go outside in the garden, but not so good without rain as far as the drought goes. I have been collecting rain running off the roof of my garage and the barrells that store the water are not much more that half full. Melbourne looks like it is going to have a bad summer, with little rain again this year.

I have just finished feeding my four legged and feathered friends and am just passing the time waiting to go grocery shopping.

What's happening in the news - The opposition leader Kevin Rudd has criticised George Bush for interfering in domestic politics for not agreeing with the ALP wishing to withdraw troops from Iraq. With all the Asia Pacific leaders including George in Sydney next week, the demonstraters and political activists have arrived in force and have already hit the streets. Meanwhile, our little leader John Howard has stated that he might expand the intervention into the indigenous community in the Northern Territory. According to the ABC website - ...during the week Mr Howard promised an extra 66 Australian Federal Police will be sent to the Territory.

Mr Howard has told NT Stateline, the Commonwealth is in the Territory for the long term, not just until the election.

"We will be making further statements about ongoing financial commitments, but it's a bit rich for the Northern Territory Government to be suggesting that this is just an election stunt," he said.

"That really is trivialising it and at any event I thought the Labor Party federally was in favour of it."

While the Prime Minister maintains his health check teams as part of the intervention will significantly improve the lives of Indigenous children, the list of NT doctors opposing them is growing.

The health checks for Indigenous children under the age of 16 are a key component of the Commonwealth's response to the Little Children are Sacred report.

The Federal Government says the checks identify significant health issues and plan follow-up treatments.

But the director of Northern Territory Renal Services, Paul Lawton, disagrees.

"We don't see any ongoing care coming out of that package," he said.

Maningrida doctor Paul Burgess is another who has spoken publicly against the checks this week.

Both men say the territory's doctors would rather see more money being spent on providing sustainable resources for doctors who are experienced in Indigenous health.

Meanwhile, Mr Howard has defended a plan to punish school truants in the central Australian community of Yuendumu community by making them pick up rubbish...


Somebody should tell Howard about giving Aboriginals axe heads, blankets and mirrors why not it's worked before and Howard just loves the old ways of doing things.

Anyway enough of this, I better go shopping.

Bye until next time.